My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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