i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
