Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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