My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize