you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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