my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
