i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my being single is dangerous.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
