How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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