so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
