so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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