i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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