Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
