I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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