She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
