im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You know, be my cock's hype man.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have aggressive nipples.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
