it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
