there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
