i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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