the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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