Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
