I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Randomize
