on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
