He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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