his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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