I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
