normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
