hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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