I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
