i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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