his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
