Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
