This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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