I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
