I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
