I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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