I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
