I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
