My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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