I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
