I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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