Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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