they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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