that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
