im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
