How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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