Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
