i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
