You're so nebulous sometimes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
