Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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