hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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