Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
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