Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
