its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
