i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
