why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
