p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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