I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
