Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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