They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize