my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
