handjob tips. give me some.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
