Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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