I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
