I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
