I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
