ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
