You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
