All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize