I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
