See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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