ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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