I looked at my own cervix.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize