someone owes me an orgasm
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
