Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
