my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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