Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
