you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
