i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
