It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I forget how to act sober
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