I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
