I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
