Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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