I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
