tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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