Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
