I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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