id be glad to
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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