Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize