At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
