Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
