Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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