I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
