Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
