look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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