I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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