Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize