Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
