it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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