I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
