Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
