I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
